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Channel: Loveawake.com blog

RSS URL:

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      ["title"]=>
      string(46) "What Are The Best Songs To Play During a Date?"
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      string(84) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/02/17/what-are-the-best-songs-to-play-during-a-date/"
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Are you good at choosing great music to play during dates? Perhaps you’re a whiz at making playlists or rocked the mix tapes back in the day? I need your help. I first encountered the idea of a song incorporating a “message” when a friend of my father told me that rock music contained secret […]

The post What Are The Best Songs To Play During a Date? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(2035) "

Are you good at choosing great music to play during dates? Perhaps you’re a whiz at making playlists or rocked the mix tapes back in the day? I need your help.

I first encountered the idea of a song incorporating a “message” when a friend of my father told me that rock music contained secret messages from Satan. I was 10 at the time and thought it was odd that Satan hadn’t chosen an older genre to share his message. Years later, I found out about another kind of musical message. Instead of grumbling in the background like beelzebub, this message was one of affection shared through normal songs grouped together into a mix.

If it weren’t for the message in the mix, would I have listened to 43 uninterrupted minutes of Mariah Carey with two versions of “You’ll always be my baby”? Of course not. I was listening because she, the one who burnt the CD and wrote my name on the cover with a sharpie, had said something with her choice of songs. (I later realized that if it takes a girl 43 minutes of Mariah Carey to say something, her conflict resolution style might leave something to be desired.)

Here’s where I need some help: In your experience, what are the best songs to say the following things?

  1. I’m really glad to be here with you.
  2. I’m sorry.
  3. I like you a lot (the type that leads to conversations and buddy hugs)
  4. Let’s do it!
  5. I like you a lot (like, as in the type that leads to fluid exchanges)

If you’d like to add more messages or just explain what your favorite mix selections mean, that’d be great, too!

What are the best songs to play during a date?

The post What Are The Best Songs To Play During a Date? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(589) "

Are you good at choosing great music to play during dates? Perhaps you’re a whiz at making playlists or rocked the mix tapes back in the day? I need your help. I first encountered the idea of a song incorporating a “message” when a friend of my father told me that rock music contained secret […]

The post What Are The Best Songs To Play During a Date? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(2035) "

Are you good at choosing great music to play during dates? Perhaps you’re a whiz at making playlists or rocked the mix tapes back in the day? I need your help.

I first encountered the idea of a song incorporating a “message” when a friend of my father told me that rock music contained secret messages from Satan. I was 10 at the time and thought it was odd that Satan hadn’t chosen an older genre to share his message. Years later, I found out about another kind of musical message. Instead of grumbling in the background like beelzebub, this message was one of affection shared through normal songs grouped together into a mix.

If it weren’t for the message in the mix, would I have listened to 43 uninterrupted minutes of Mariah Carey with two versions of “You’ll always be my baby”? Of course not. I was listening because she, the one who burnt the CD and wrote my name on the cover with a sharpie, had said something with her choice of songs. (I later realized that if it takes a girl 43 minutes of Mariah Carey to say something, her conflict resolution style might leave something to be desired.)

Here’s where I need some help: In your experience, what are the best songs to say the following things?

  1. I’m really glad to be here with you.
  2. I’m sorry.
  3. I like you a lot (the type that leads to conversations and buddy hugs)
  4. Let’s do it!
  5. I like you a lot (like, as in the type that leads to fluid exchanges)

If you’d like to add more messages or just explain what your favorite mix selections mean, that’d be great, too!

What are the best songs to play during a date?

The post What Are The Best Songs To Play During a Date? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1581959640) } [1]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(32) "What To Wear To The Club For Men" ["link"]=> string(71) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/02/17/what-to-wear-to-the-club-for-men/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 17 Feb 2020 17:03:58 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(33) "HolidaysAdvice for Menclubfashion" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4255" ["description"]=> string(526) "

Wondering what to wear to the club? Preparing for a date in a club is a big process whether you are a guy or girl. Picking what to wear to the club and how to style your hair and how to smell is what every man thinks of before a date. Many questions can be easy […]

The post What To Wear To The Club For Men appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(2753) "

Wondering what to wear to the club? Preparing for a date in a club is a big process whether you are a guy or girl. Picking what to wear to the club and how to style your hair and how to smell is what every man thinks of before a date. Many questions can be easy to answer if you do not care about the person you are going out with but in many situations, it is the girl that is settling for a not as good looking guy as they can get just to ensure they can actually be liked and have the upper hand in the date.

Note: check out the related post below for tips just for ladies!

Taking a shower an hour or two before the date is the most important step to be able to rock your clothes in the freshest way possible. Having style is all about having the right state of mind, being clean is being confident. After taking the shower getting buttered up in lotion and using a little bit of after shave on your neck and body can help keep a fresh smell on your body all night which will attract women to you and keep your date comfortable and not drive her away after dancing when your body starts to smell.

Picking clothes to wear to the club usually revolves around the dress to impress code of club honor. I think dressing to impress is important but knowing how your body fits your clothes is even more important. If you are too short and can not tuck in a dress shirt because it will look stupid on you is easy, Rolling up the sleeves to the elbows and wearing your dress shirt without tucking it and throwing up a colorful tie will ensure your upper body looks good and styling your hair with a styling product is also a good way to fit in a dress shirt and not look like a nerd.

After styling your hair and rocking the tie with your dress shirt, Picking pants can be tricky. Jeans is the way to go in a club, with your jeans and dress shirts color being dark and light or the opposite, you will ensure you stick out in the club and your girls attention will be on you the whole time. Getting fresh before any kind of date is very important and actually showing the girl that you care enough to get ready and clean for her is the most flattering first impression you can send out to a girl. Being fresh and clean will bring out the best in you and will keep the girl you are with very close to you after she realizes how good you smell.

The post What To Wear To The Club For Men appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(526) "

Wondering what to wear to the club? Preparing for a date in a club is a big process whether you are a guy or girl. Picking what to wear to the club and how to style your hair and how to smell is what every man thinks of before a date. Many questions can be easy […]

The post What To Wear To The Club For Men appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(2753) "

Wondering what to wear to the club? Preparing for a date in a club is a big process whether you are a guy or girl. Picking what to wear to the club and how to style your hair and how to smell is what every man thinks of before a date. Many questions can be easy to answer if you do not care about the person you are going out with but in many situations, it is the girl that is settling for a not as good looking guy as they can get just to ensure they can actually be liked and have the upper hand in the date.

Note: check out the related post below for tips just for ladies!

Taking a shower an hour or two before the date is the most important step to be able to rock your clothes in the freshest way possible. Having style is all about having the right state of mind, being clean is being confident. After taking the shower getting buttered up in lotion and using a little bit of after shave on your neck and body can help keep a fresh smell on your body all night which will attract women to you and keep your date comfortable and not drive her away after dancing when your body starts to smell.

Picking clothes to wear to the club usually revolves around the dress to impress code of club honor. I think dressing to impress is important but knowing how your body fits your clothes is even more important. If you are too short and can not tuck in a dress shirt because it will look stupid on you is easy, Rolling up the sleeves to the elbows and wearing your dress shirt without tucking it and throwing up a colorful tie will ensure your upper body looks good and styling your hair with a styling product is also a good way to fit in a dress shirt and not look like a nerd.

After styling your hair and rocking the tie with your dress shirt, Picking pants can be tricky. Jeans is the way to go in a club, with your jeans and dress shirts color being dark and light or the opposite, you will ensure you stick out in the club and your girls attention will be on you the whole time. Getting fresh before any kind of date is very important and actually showing the girl that you care enough to get ready and clean for her is the most flattering first impression you can send out to a girl. Being fresh and clean will bring out the best in you and will keep the girl you are with very close to you after she realizes how good you smell.

The post What To Wear To The Club For Men appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1581959038) } [2]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(32) "What To Wear To A Club For Women" ["link"]=> string(71) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/02/17/what-to-wear-to-a-club-for-women/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 17 Feb 2020 16:54:51 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(29) "Holidaysadviceclubfashionwear" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4252" ["description"]=> string(551) "

Women, wondering what to wear to a club? Ever have the thinking you have nothing to where to go out on a club date? Most women have these thoughts or become over whelmed with picking the “right” outfit. Picking out the right outfit for any women to wear to a club needn’t bee a big […]

The post What To Wear To A Club For Women appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(2805) "

Women, wondering what to wear to a club? Ever have the thinking you have nothing to where to go out on a club date? Most women have these thoughts or become over whelmed with picking the “right” outfit. Picking out the right outfit for any women to wear to a club needn’t bee a big deal. Just wear what highlights your best features!

If you are going to wear trousers make sure they fit properly. They should not be too loose or too tight. The same should go for the top. By wearing clothes that is a size or two too small you make you appear larger than you actually are. Wear something that you do not have to worry about fixing all night. Last think you want to do all night long while dancing in a club is adjusting your clothes.

What to wear to a club for women:

The post What To Wear To A Club For Women appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(551) "

Women, wondering what to wear to a club? Ever have the thinking you have nothing to where to go out on a club date? Most women have these thoughts or become over whelmed with picking the “right” outfit. Picking out the right outfit for any women to wear to a club needn’t bee a big […]

The post What To Wear To A Club For Women appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(2805) "

Women, wondering what to wear to a club? Ever have the thinking you have nothing to where to go out on a club date? Most women have these thoughts or become over whelmed with picking the “right” outfit. Picking out the right outfit for any women to wear to a club needn’t bee a big deal. Just wear what highlights your best features!

If you are going to wear trousers make sure they fit properly. They should not be too loose or too tight. The same should go for the top. By wearing clothes that is a size or two too small you make you appear larger than you actually are. Wear something that you do not have to worry about fixing all night. Last think you want to do all night long while dancing in a club is adjusting your clothes.

What to wear to a club for women:

The post What To Wear To A Club For Women appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1581958491) } [3]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(55) "The 9 Best Ways to Store a Guy’s Number in Your Phone" ["link"]=> string(91) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/02/12/the-9-best-ways-to-store-a-guys-number-in-your-phone/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Wed, 12 Feb 2020 18:19:46 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(47) "Interestinghow tohowtomemorizephonephone number" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4245" ["description"]=> string(588) "

He asks for your number. You give it to him, and immediately he calls it in front of you. That’s cute, and lucky for you it’s super easy. Too easy. So easy that you figure you can save the number later, seeing as you’re already enjoying the real deal in front of you. It just […]

The post The 9 Best Ways to Store a Guy’s Number in Your Phone appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(3611) "

He asks for your number. You give it to him, and immediately he calls it in front of you. That’s cute, and lucky for you it’s super easy. Too easy. So easy that you figure you can save the number later, seeing as you’re already enjoying the real deal in front of you. It just sucks the next day when you can’t remember if he said Dave or Dan or which unsaved number in your phone is his, your doctor’s, or that Caribbean Cruise telemarketer. Here’s some simple ways to make sure you don’t get your wires crossed on your wireless device, illustrated with some very real examples from my own Android device.

BY LOCATION

You met on the L Train on your way to a bar. He’s now “Chris L Train” in your phone, and going by location has the bonus of association. You can at least enter your memory palace and see if he was just as good-looking as you remember. Sure you never got his last name — you had five stops to make this happen! — but hey now you have warm and fuzzies every time you go to that bar or ride that train or sit in that McDonald’s at least.

BY ACTIVITY

What was going on when you met? Did he fall out of a Jeep? Making that into a neat acronym, “FOOJ,” in your contacts will keep that memory alive and will crack you up for days.

BY ASSUMPTION

He looked like a Tommy, and he was eating pancakes. Tommy Pancakes.

BY CONVERSATION TOPICS

Maybe you were talking about puns. That’s how you end up with “Godfrey Puns.” Just be succinct because he was initially “Godfrey Going to California in Two Weeks, DJ?” in my contacts, and while informative, my screen annoyingly cut it off to a suggestive “Godfrey Going to..” like a cliffhanger. What? What’s Godfrey going to do?

BY NICKNAME

“The Cellist.” Because boy did he strum you like an instrument.

BY DATING PROFILE

So you might’ve met the guy on an online dating website (or yes, maybe Tinder), and you moved from emails to texting (a step closer in intimacy). You don’t know his last name because of online stranger danger, but you need an identifier for organizational purposes. The rules of the Universe mean someone will stumble on that contact and someone will want to know who Daniel Tinder is and whether or not he’s a Bond villain.

BY DESCRIPTION

This is super helpful if he has a specific look like five arms or a chinstrap beard. You only have one “Chinstrap” in your contacts at least. As a side note: never trust a chinstrap. Ever.

BY ASSOCIATION

You have that mutual acquaintance, which results in “Cute Guy with Adam” cheekily saved in your contacts. First, which Adam? Adam is a popular name. Second, exactly how cute was he? Thirdly, you need a strategy for getting his real name as soon as you meet for your first date that is not asking him. Put it in your phone as soon as he goes to the bathroom.

BY RATING

Does he have an exclamation point added anywhere to his name? Whatever he said made an impression, and damn, he better call real soon.

The post The 9 Best Ways to Store a Guy’s Number in Your Phone appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(588) "

He asks for your number. You give it to him, and immediately he calls it in front of you. That’s cute, and lucky for you it’s super easy. Too easy. So easy that you figure you can save the number later, seeing as you’re already enjoying the real deal in front of you. It just […]

The post The 9 Best Ways to Store a Guy’s Number in Your Phone appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(3611) "

He asks for your number. You give it to him, and immediately he calls it in front of you. That’s cute, and lucky for you it’s super easy. Too easy. So easy that you figure you can save the number later, seeing as you’re already enjoying the real deal in front of you. It just sucks the next day when you can’t remember if he said Dave or Dan or which unsaved number in your phone is his, your doctor’s, or that Caribbean Cruise telemarketer. Here’s some simple ways to make sure you don’t get your wires crossed on your wireless device, illustrated with some very real examples from my own Android device.

BY LOCATION

You met on the L Train on your way to a bar. He’s now “Chris L Train” in your phone, and going by location has the bonus of association. You can at least enter your memory palace and see if he was just as good-looking as you remember. Sure you never got his last name — you had five stops to make this happen! — but hey now you have warm and fuzzies every time you go to that bar or ride that train or sit in that McDonald’s at least.

BY ACTIVITY

What was going on when you met? Did he fall out of a Jeep? Making that into a neat acronym, “FOOJ,” in your contacts will keep that memory alive and will crack you up for days.

BY ASSUMPTION

He looked like a Tommy, and he was eating pancakes. Tommy Pancakes.

BY CONVERSATION TOPICS

Maybe you were talking about puns. That’s how you end up with “Godfrey Puns.” Just be succinct because he was initially “Godfrey Going to California in Two Weeks, DJ?” in my contacts, and while informative, my screen annoyingly cut it off to a suggestive “Godfrey Going to..” like a cliffhanger. What? What’s Godfrey going to do?

BY NICKNAME

“The Cellist.” Because boy did he strum you like an instrument.

BY DATING PROFILE

So you might’ve met the guy on an online dating website (or yes, maybe Tinder), and you moved from emails to texting (a step closer in intimacy). You don’t know his last name because of online stranger danger, but you need an identifier for organizational purposes. The rules of the Universe mean someone will stumble on that contact and someone will want to know who Daniel Tinder is and whether or not he’s a Bond villain.

BY DESCRIPTION

This is super helpful if he has a specific look like five arms or a chinstrap beard. You only have one “Chinstrap” in your contacts at least. As a side note: never trust a chinstrap. Ever.

BY ASSOCIATION

You have that mutual acquaintance, which results in “Cute Guy with Adam” cheekily saved in your contacts. First, which Adam? Adam is a popular name. Second, exactly how cute was he? Thirdly, you need a strategy for getting his real name as soon as you meet for your first date that is not asking him. Put it in your phone as soon as he goes to the bathroom.

BY RATING

Does he have an exclamation point added anywhere to his name? Whatever he said made an impression, and damn, he better call real soon.

The post The 9 Best Ways to Store a Guy’s Number in Your Phone appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1581531586) } [4]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(58) "Please Stop Saying You Like Museums on Your Dating Profile" ["link"]=> string(97) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/02/11/please-stop-saying-you-like-museums-on-your-dating-profile/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Tue, 11 Feb 2020 07:56:40 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(10) "Andrew Tch" } ["category"]=> string(56) "Dating Advicedating profilesMuseumsonline datingprofiles" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4233" ["description"]=> string(661) "

Please stop talking about how much you love museums — especially on your online dating profile. Museums have become this millennium’s long walks on the beach. Listing “museums” in your interests is lazy at best and disingenuous at worst, a cheap metonym for intelligence and sophistication. Saying you do or don’t like museums makes no […]

The post Please Stop Saying You Like Museums on Your Dating Profile appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(3110) "

Please stop talking about how much you love museums — especially on your online dating profile. Museums have become this millennium’s long walks on the beach. Listing “museums” in your interests is lazy at best and disingenuous at worst, a cheap metonym for intelligence and sophistication.

Saying you do or don’t like museums makes no sense. That’s like saying you do or don’t like “music” as if Wagner’s The Ring Cycle and “Wrecking Ball” are the exact same thing. A museum is, definitively, a building filled with stuff that somebody picked out for you to look at, be the subject art, elevators, history, or medical abnormalities. There are Stuff Buildings you’ll love, whether by virtue of your interest in its particular brand of stuff or perhaps the skill with which that stuff was selected. There are others that will hold no appeal for you. In fact, some museums are, empirically, awful. This is absolutely fine. You are not on a field trip and forced to look at dusty antique clocks for no good reason. You are an adult, with preferences and tastes particular to yourself. Somewhere out there, there is a Stuff Building (many Stuff Buildings, in fact) you’ll enjoy visiting. Even if you’ve made it your life’s mission to keep your brain blissfully fact-free, there’s a museum for you, too.

Realistically, all the standing, walking, staring, and thinking we do in the course of a typical museum experience is exhausting. And visiting the same one too often would get boring pretty fast. Unless you are a) employed at a museum, b) in graduate school, c) an artist, d) an eccentric elderly socialite, e) mentally ill or f) some combination of the above, you are lying about — or at least willfully misrepresenting — how often you visit them. Our busy schedules of watching TV shows, DVR-ing TV shows we’ll never get around to watching, and eating artificial cheese-based snack foods are much too full as it is.

By all means, go to museums, as many as you like. I genuinely hope (and expect) you’ll have a wonderful time. But think twice before you add your “love” for them to your dating profile. If you’re really, legitimately moved by a particular artist, historical era, or subset of medical abnormalities, why not write about that instead? Specifics are what is going to make you interesting, and saying you’re into “museums” — well, you might as well just say, “I like stuff.”

The post Please Stop Saying You Like Museums on Your Dating Profile appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(661) "

Please stop talking about how much you love museums — especially on your online dating profile. Museums have become this millennium’s long walks on the beach. Listing “museums” in your interests is lazy at best and disingenuous at worst, a cheap metonym for intelligence and sophistication. Saying you do or don’t like museums makes no […]

The post Please Stop Saying You Like Museums on Your Dating Profile appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(3110) "

Please stop talking about how much you love museums — especially on your online dating profile. Museums have become this millennium’s long walks on the beach. Listing “museums” in your interests is lazy at best and disingenuous at worst, a cheap metonym for intelligence and sophistication.

Saying you do or don’t like museums makes no sense. That’s like saying you do or don’t like “music” as if Wagner’s The Ring Cycle and “Wrecking Ball” are the exact same thing. A museum is, definitively, a building filled with stuff that somebody picked out for you to look at, be the subject art, elevators, history, or medical abnormalities. There are Stuff Buildings you’ll love, whether by virtue of your interest in its particular brand of stuff or perhaps the skill with which that stuff was selected. There are others that will hold no appeal for you. In fact, some museums are, empirically, awful. This is absolutely fine. You are not on a field trip and forced to look at dusty antique clocks for no good reason. You are an adult, with preferences and tastes particular to yourself. Somewhere out there, there is a Stuff Building (many Stuff Buildings, in fact) you’ll enjoy visiting. Even if you’ve made it your life’s mission to keep your brain blissfully fact-free, there’s a museum for you, too.

Realistically, all the standing, walking, staring, and thinking we do in the course of a typical museum experience is exhausting. And visiting the same one too often would get boring pretty fast. Unless you are a) employed at a museum, b) in graduate school, c) an artist, d) an eccentric elderly socialite, e) mentally ill or f) some combination of the above, you are lying about — or at least willfully misrepresenting — how often you visit them. Our busy schedules of watching TV shows, DVR-ing TV shows we’ll never get around to watching, and eating artificial cheese-based snack foods are much too full as it is.

By all means, go to museums, as many as you like. I genuinely hope (and expect) you’ll have a wonderful time. But think twice before you add your “love” for them to your dating profile. If you’re really, legitimately moved by a particular artist, historical era, or subset of medical abnormalities, why not write about that instead? Specifics are what is going to make you interesting, and saying you’re into “museums” — well, you might as well just say, “I like stuff.”

The post Please Stop Saying You Like Museums on Your Dating Profile appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1581407800) } [5]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(17) "Cool Girl Dilemma" ["link"]=> string(56) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/02/10/cool-girl-dilemma/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 10 Feb 2020 18:39:33 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(15) "Stella Painfree" } ["category"]=> string(47) "Personal Growthattitudehow to be coolperception" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4230" ["description"]=> string(542) "

“Men actually think this girl exists … You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of girl exists and might kiss them.” Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl Leaving the actual nuts and bolts of the story […]

The post Cool Girl Dilemma appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(5585) "

“Men actually think this girl exists … You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of girl exists and might kiss them.”

Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl

Leaving the actual nuts and bolts of the story out of it, Gone Girl got me thinking about the main character’s sneering assassination of the ever popular, idolized cool girl. The media are obsessed with cool girl and represent her in many ways. From New Girl‘s airy, optimistic, glasses-rocking Jess, to Gone Girl‘s Amy, to The Duff‘s Bianca and company: Hollywood can’t resist throwing images of this awesome, kick ass, unapologetic chick at us.

But does she even exist?

I’d like to think so. I’ve been dubbed a cool girl, either by other girls or by well-meaning guys. I always took it as a compliment. Everyone wants to be cool, right? Bender from The Breakfast Club cool. That effortless, balls-out cool. The cool you admire and are drawn to. Everyone wants to be that, and everyone wants to be around that. Lately, cool girl has become Manic Pixie Dream Girl, thanks to film critic Nathan Rabin, who claimed they are hip, cool, and smart, yet unbelievably goofy and attainable.

Rabin doesn’t mean this as a compliment. He is criticizing the current cool girl and saying women like her can’t exist because, essentially, no one can be all of those things. He’s missing the point a bit. Of course that extreme version of cool girl doesn’t exist, but that doesn’t mean individual women aren’t cool in a plethora of ways.

Throughout the centuries, men have always crafted the ‘ideal woman’ of the time. The demure, saintly, absolutely virginal waif from the 1500-1600s (shout out to Billy Shakespeare for breaking that! You go, Glen Coco!) to the multi-lingual, witty, dancing, singing, harp-playing Elizabeth Bennet from the 1700-1800s. In the 1900s, the ‘ideal woman’ seemed to change with each passing decade: from the Edwardian Downton Abbey-lady, to the Roaring Twenties’ flapper, to the Susie Homemaker of the mid-20th century. An intro level Women’s History class will teach you that the patriarchy has created these women, expected women to fit these narrow molds, and put only those who do on a pedestal.

Today, this isn’t the case. Women have more rights and freedoms than we’ve ever had. Although hardly perfect, it is indeed the best time to be a woman…comparatively.

So, because I’m fine going to a ball game that means I’m trying to be the cool girl? I thought I just enjoyed sports. Since I enjoy discussing philosophy – a field historically dominated by intelligent and arrogant men – that means I must be trying to hook a man? Well, that’s funny because I’m happily ring-less.

Men are always going to try to take ownership of an ideal woman. Today’s cool girl is Jennifer Lawrence/Emma Stone/Anna Kendrick, so guys are going to idealize women like them. “Wow, she seems so…cool! The kind of girl who’s totally go to a Steelers game with me, eat a crap-ton of food, and still be totally hot and sexy.” That’s the collective misconception men have of women. They’re always going to have it. Even the coolest of girls have flaws, just like everyone else. At least we, as women, have taken ownership of whatever the Ideal Woman is.

I’m a cool girl and I’m not apologizing for it. I’m not perfect; I like some sports (not football), and I like a good hamburger. We can watch Wes Anderson or Francis Ford Coppola movies together, gents, but I’m not going to agree with everything you say. And that’s fine. As long as I’m doing these things for me, then I’m a happy cool girl. If I start doing something in a desperate, predatory manhunt, then we have a problem.

That’s what I think, at least. We’re all cool girls, even if some of us can’t change a flat tire (sorry, Dad, I still can’t figure it out). Whatever makes you different, not whatever makes you what society deems cool, is awesome. Embrace that, and let society try to figure you out. If you’re a cool girl because you want to be, then go for it, even if others call you fickle. Just don’t let a temporary alignment with today’s Ideal Woman define you. Be the you that you like, not the one you think he will like. Eventually, the one you’re going to be with is going to like you for you, not for the person society thinks you should be.

The post Cool Girl Dilemma appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(542) "

“Men actually think this girl exists … You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of girl exists and might kiss them.” Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl Leaving the actual nuts and bolts of the story […]

The post Cool Girl Dilemma appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(5585) "

“Men actually think this girl exists … You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of girl exists and might kiss them.”

Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl

Leaving the actual nuts and bolts of the story out of it, Gone Girl got me thinking about the main character’s sneering assassination of the ever popular, idolized cool girl. The media are obsessed with cool girl and represent her in many ways. From New Girl‘s airy, optimistic, glasses-rocking Jess, to Gone Girl‘s Amy, to The Duff‘s Bianca and company: Hollywood can’t resist throwing images of this awesome, kick ass, unapologetic chick at us.

But does she even exist?

I’d like to think so. I’ve been dubbed a cool girl, either by other girls or by well-meaning guys. I always took it as a compliment. Everyone wants to be cool, right? Bender from The Breakfast Club cool. That effortless, balls-out cool. The cool you admire and are drawn to. Everyone wants to be that, and everyone wants to be around that. Lately, cool girl has become Manic Pixie Dream Girl, thanks to film critic Nathan Rabin, who claimed they are hip, cool, and smart, yet unbelievably goofy and attainable.

Rabin doesn’t mean this as a compliment. He is criticizing the current cool girl and saying women like her can’t exist because, essentially, no one can be all of those things. He’s missing the point a bit. Of course that extreme version of cool girl doesn’t exist, but that doesn’t mean individual women aren’t cool in a plethora of ways.

Throughout the centuries, men have always crafted the ‘ideal woman’ of the time. The demure, saintly, absolutely virginal waif from the 1500-1600s (shout out to Billy Shakespeare for breaking that! You go, Glen Coco!) to the multi-lingual, witty, dancing, singing, harp-playing Elizabeth Bennet from the 1700-1800s. In the 1900s, the ‘ideal woman’ seemed to change with each passing decade: from the Edwardian Downton Abbey-lady, to the Roaring Twenties’ flapper, to the Susie Homemaker of the mid-20th century. An intro level Women’s History class will teach you that the patriarchy has created these women, expected women to fit these narrow molds, and put only those who do on a pedestal.

Today, this isn’t the case. Women have more rights and freedoms than we’ve ever had. Although hardly perfect, it is indeed the best time to be a woman…comparatively.

So, because I’m fine going to a ball game that means I’m trying to be the cool girl? I thought I just enjoyed sports. Since I enjoy discussing philosophy – a field historically dominated by intelligent and arrogant men – that means I must be trying to hook a man? Well, that’s funny because I’m happily ring-less.

Men are always going to try to take ownership of an ideal woman. Today’s cool girl is Jennifer Lawrence/Emma Stone/Anna Kendrick, so guys are going to idealize women like them. “Wow, she seems so…cool! The kind of girl who’s totally go to a Steelers game with me, eat a crap-ton of food, and still be totally hot and sexy.” That’s the collective misconception men have of women. They’re always going to have it. Even the coolest of girls have flaws, just like everyone else. At least we, as women, have taken ownership of whatever the Ideal Woman is.

I’m a cool girl and I’m not apologizing for it. I’m not perfect; I like some sports (not football), and I like a good hamburger. We can watch Wes Anderson or Francis Ford Coppola movies together, gents, but I’m not going to agree with everything you say. And that’s fine. As long as I’m doing these things for me, then I’m a happy cool girl. If I start doing something in a desperate, predatory manhunt, then we have a problem.

That’s what I think, at least. We’re all cool girls, even if some of us can’t change a flat tire (sorry, Dad, I still can’t figure it out). Whatever makes you different, not whatever makes you what society deems cool, is awesome. Embrace that, and let society try to figure you out. If you’re a cool girl because you want to be, then go for it, even if others call you fickle. Just don’t let a temporary alignment with today’s Ideal Woman define you. Be the you that you like, not the one you think he will like. Eventually, the one you’re going to be with is going to like you for you, not for the person society thinks you should be.

The post Cool Girl Dilemma appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1581359973) } [6]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(50) "7 Steps To a Perfect Post Hook-Up ‘Ghost Exit’" ["link"]=> string(83) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/02/10/7-steps-to-a-perfect-post-hook-up-ghost-exit/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 10 Feb 2020 18:26:51 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(13) "J. T. Ellison" } ["category"]=> string(27) "Dating Advicedatinghook ups" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4227" ["description"]=> string(595) "

When I was young and naive, I thought that it was rude and disrespectful to leave a guy’s house before they woke up. I figured that it went against the hook-up etiquette rules, if those even exist. Unless the relationship was something I was trying to pursue (which it almost always was not), then I […]

The post 7 Steps To a Perfect Post Hook-Up ‘Ghost Exit’ appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(5903) "

When I was young and naive, I thought that it was rude and disrespectful to leave a guy’s house before they woke up. I figured that it went against the hook-up etiquette rules, if those even exist. Unless the relationship was something I was trying to pursue (which it almost always was not), then I dreaded waking up and finding out how dull or strange the guy was when he was sober and groggy. In my defense, I’m not much fun in the morning either, but still, I just hooked-up with you, show me some of that personality that I apparently enjoyed at the party last night.

This would lead to awkward mornings where I would attempt to make conversation while texting everybody in a 20-mile radius asking to be picked up. Once I found my saving grace for that morning I would hustle around the room to make sure I had everything I came with, would give a quarter-hearted goodbye, and sprint out the door the moment my phone dinged to alert me that my ride was waiting outside.

One day when discussing this dilemma with a friend of mine, she shot me a look and said a sentence that would change my hook-up life forever.

“Why don’t you just sneak out before they wake up?” 

Why had I never thought of that? I almost always spend a few hours awake lying in bed while guys sleep, anyway, so that could be my new exit strategy.

Some call it the Irish exit, others call it the “Wake Up & GTFO Method,” but I like to call it the ghost exit: where you disappear from a hook-up without leaving behind any traces, only a memory: like a boss-ass bitch of a ghost. If you want to perfectly execute the ghost exit, you must be mindful far before you wake up in the morning. It is an entire process. Lucky for you all, I have perfected it and would like to impart my wisdom onto you.

Perfecting the Art of the Ghost Exit

Step 1: The Pile of Clothes

If the clothes start coming off when you and this lucky guy start getting things going, then 1.) good for you, but 2.) you have to be mindful of where you are tossing your garments! The best way to ensure that you do so is to make a pile at the foot of the bed. Be sure that everything and anything that comes off in the process of your hook-up ends up in the pile. The pile of clothes is your friend. You don’t want to be scrambling around the room looking for your thong. Or even worse: having to dive into the covers to find them while you are trying to ghost exit. It is called a ghost exit for a reason: you leave nothing tangible behind. No bras, no earrings, no nothing.

Step 2: The Cell Phone Grab

After your satisfying (hopefully) hook-up, pretend like you are checking what time it is and grab your phone. You’ll want to have it at your disposal so that you can set an alarm to wake-up. The key is to have the alarm on vibrate, hence the vitality of having your phone in your hand instead of on a nightstand. This is also beneficial in case your conquest of the night falls asleep before you do and you want to check your Instagram feed.

Step 3: The Sleeping Arrangement

Do whatever you have to do to make sure that you are on the side of the bed that makes getting up and out as easy as possible. Pretend that you get really bad vertigo if you sleep too close to a wall, or get up to stretch and then ask Mr. Man to scoot over so that you get the ideal sleeping spot.

Step 4: The De-Spooning

Spooning, while completely adorable and fun, provides yet another roadblock in your attempt at a perfect Ghost exit. However, it is not impossible to get out of. The key is to get out of your cuddle session a few hours before you even plan on leaving. That way, if your movement wakes up your guy, he will still have ample time to fall asleep, and you will not be constricted by his arms.

Step 5: The Roll-Out

Inspired by the one and only Ludacris, this is the time for you to literally roll out of the bed. I became an expert at this motion when I was a babysitter. The girl I babysat would insist that I lay in bed with her until she fell asleep, but I became so stealthy that I could lightly, slowly and silently roll out of the bed without her knowledge.

Step 6: The Tip-Toe

Every movement you make in that bedroom should be done so in a tip-toe manner. Treat this stage like that super creepy childhood board game, “Don’t Wake Daddy.” Except instead of avoiding to wake up a plastic father-figure, avoid waking up a guy who may or may not have asked you to call him ‘Daddy‘ in bed. Get dressed, tip-toe to the door, slowly crack it open and close it (with your hand still down on the handle so that it doesn’t even make a clicking noise when you close it behind you).

Step 7: The “Don’t Look Back”

You did it! You are out of the room! Now is the time to be speedy and not worry about stealth. Run as if there is a donut on a string in front of you and a man with an axe behind you. You can stop running when you are either in the car of your shack shuttle or when you are completely out of sight from his place (because, windows).

It sounds like a lot of hoops to jump through, but isn’t that what makes the hook-up culture such a chaotic and fun time?

The post 7 Steps To a Perfect Post Hook-Up ‘Ghost Exit’ appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(595) "

When I was young and naive, I thought that it was rude and disrespectful to leave a guy’s house before they woke up. I figured that it went against the hook-up etiquette rules, if those even exist. Unless the relationship was something I was trying to pursue (which it almost always was not), then I […]

The post 7 Steps To a Perfect Post Hook-Up ‘Ghost Exit’ appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(5903) "

When I was young and naive, I thought that it was rude and disrespectful to leave a guy’s house before they woke up. I figured that it went against the hook-up etiquette rules, if those even exist. Unless the relationship was something I was trying to pursue (which it almost always was not), then I dreaded waking up and finding out how dull or strange the guy was when he was sober and groggy. In my defense, I’m not much fun in the morning either, but still, I just hooked-up with you, show me some of that personality that I apparently enjoyed at the party last night.

This would lead to awkward mornings where I would attempt to make conversation while texting everybody in a 20-mile radius asking to be picked up. Once I found my saving grace for that morning I would hustle around the room to make sure I had everything I came with, would give a quarter-hearted goodbye, and sprint out the door the moment my phone dinged to alert me that my ride was waiting outside.

One day when discussing this dilemma with a friend of mine, she shot me a look and said a sentence that would change my hook-up life forever.

“Why don’t you just sneak out before they wake up?” 

Why had I never thought of that? I almost always spend a few hours awake lying in bed while guys sleep, anyway, so that could be my new exit strategy.

Some call it the Irish exit, others call it the “Wake Up & GTFO Method,” but I like to call it the ghost exit: where you disappear from a hook-up without leaving behind any traces, only a memory: like a boss-ass bitch of a ghost. If you want to perfectly execute the ghost exit, you must be mindful far before you wake up in the morning. It is an entire process. Lucky for you all, I have perfected it and would like to impart my wisdom onto you.

Perfecting the Art of the Ghost Exit

Step 1: The Pile of Clothes

If the clothes start coming off when you and this lucky guy start getting things going, then 1.) good for you, but 2.) you have to be mindful of where you are tossing your garments! The best way to ensure that you do so is to make a pile at the foot of the bed. Be sure that everything and anything that comes off in the process of your hook-up ends up in the pile. The pile of clothes is your friend. You don’t want to be scrambling around the room looking for your thong. Or even worse: having to dive into the covers to find them while you are trying to ghost exit. It is called a ghost exit for a reason: you leave nothing tangible behind. No bras, no earrings, no nothing.

Step 2: The Cell Phone Grab

After your satisfying (hopefully) hook-up, pretend like you are checking what time it is and grab your phone. You’ll want to have it at your disposal so that you can set an alarm to wake-up. The key is to have the alarm on vibrate, hence the vitality of having your phone in your hand instead of on a nightstand. This is also beneficial in case your conquest of the night falls asleep before you do and you want to check your Instagram feed.

Step 3: The Sleeping Arrangement

Do whatever you have to do to make sure that you are on the side of the bed that makes getting up and out as easy as possible. Pretend that you get really bad vertigo if you sleep too close to a wall, or get up to stretch and then ask Mr. Man to scoot over so that you get the ideal sleeping spot.

Step 4: The De-Spooning

Spooning, while completely adorable and fun, provides yet another roadblock in your attempt at a perfect Ghost exit. However, it is not impossible to get out of. The key is to get out of your cuddle session a few hours before you even plan on leaving. That way, if your movement wakes up your guy, he will still have ample time to fall asleep, and you will not be constricted by his arms.

Step 5: The Roll-Out

Inspired by the one and only Ludacris, this is the time for you to literally roll out of the bed. I became an expert at this motion when I was a babysitter. The girl I babysat would insist that I lay in bed with her until she fell asleep, but I became so stealthy that I could lightly, slowly and silently roll out of the bed without her knowledge.

Step 6: The Tip-Toe

Every movement you make in that bedroom should be done so in a tip-toe manner. Treat this stage like that super creepy childhood board game, “Don’t Wake Daddy.” Except instead of avoiding to wake up a plastic father-figure, avoid waking up a guy who may or may not have asked you to call him ‘Daddy‘ in bed. Get dressed, tip-toe to the door, slowly crack it open and close it (with your hand still down on the handle so that it doesn’t even make a clicking noise when you close it behind you).

Step 7: The “Don’t Look Back”

You did it! You are out of the room! Now is the time to be speedy and not worry about stealth. Run as if there is a donut on a string in front of you and a man with an axe behind you. You can stop running when you are either in the car of your shack shuttle or when you are completely out of sight from his place (because, windows).

It sounds like a lot of hoops to jump through, but isn’t that what makes the hook-up culture such a chaotic and fun time?

The post 7 Steps To a Perfect Post Hook-Up ‘Ghost Exit’ appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1581359211) } [7]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(23) "The Fine Art of Arguing" ["link"]=> string(62) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/02/10/the-fine-art-of-arguing/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 10 Feb 2020 18:20:20 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(21) "Kimberly Dawn Neumann" } ["category"]=> string(42) "Relationship Advicearguingargumentattitude" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4224" ["description"]=> string(568) "

“I’m not going to get emotional because I’m a stone cold bitch” – Tina Fey Tina Fey is made of brilliance, amazingness, and hilarity, and anyone with access to basic cable knows that. Upon accepting her Mark Twain award, she said these words to massive applause and laughter. I watched her accept this award from […]

The post The Fine Art of Arguing appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(6492) "

“I’m not going to get emotional because I’m a stone cold bitch” – Tina Fey

Tina Fey is made of brilliance, amazingness, and hilarity, and anyone with access to basic cable knows that. Upon accepting her Mark Twain award, she said these words to massive applause and laughter. I watched her accept this award from my college dorm room and I stood up and gave her a long distance standing ovation accompanied by a “PREACH IT, SISTER!”

I won’t say that Tina Fey taught me how to argue with grace and stone cold badassedness because I was working on that skill long before she accepted her Mark Twain award; however, that phrase has stayed with me and is the one thing I tell people when they demand to know why I never get angry during arguments.

I don’t love arguing with people, but by now I’m quite good at it.

Screw Passive Aggressive

I went to a ridiculously private college and was introduced to some very spoiled boys and girls who considering whispering behind your back an effective argument/release of stress. Not having grown up that way, I politely disagreed with this passive aggressiveness. When I have issues with people, I like to talk about it with them, not everyone but them. Genuinely, I would much rather talk (not to be confused with shriek) about it. Apparently, this was an unexpected maneuver (Sun Tzu is rolling over in his grave for leaving this chapter out of his otherwise awesome manual – I mean, book). Yet, it has served me well.

Being passive aggressive is a cop out. Either say it, or don’t. Own your anger or shut up. Confront the person or zip it. It’s that easy.

Sometimes No One Person is Wrong

Just because you argue with people doesn’t mean you’re wrong. It also doesn’t mean they’re wrong. It just means you disagree, and you have to work through it nicely. There are two sides to every story and sometimes the fault lies with both of you. Don’t be too shut off that you can’t hear their side-you want yours heard, don’t you? I don’t give advice unless it’s foolproof, and this really is. So here it is…

Never Lose Your Shiz

Never lose your shiz in an argument, ever. You’re probably losing your shiz right now as I tell you not to, but lend me your eyes for a second. No matter what the other person says, you have to remember that they’re saying it because they’re

  1. pissed off
  2. upset
  3. sad
  4. scared or
  5. all of the above

It is guaranteed that the other person is going to say something they will regret, and you don’t want to join them by adding your own insults. Stand up for yourself, of course, but don’t let things get ugly because you’ll feel worse.

At the end of the day, I end up fighting with people I don’t care much about. I discuss and debate with people I love, which is an entirely different breed of dispute. If the person is wildly shooting verbal barbs at me, they don’t know me very well. I can’t allow someone I don’t care about, and who doesn’t care about me, to hurt my feelings. Don’t let someone hurt you when they don’t matter. Don’t give them that power.

Say your piece, assert yourself, and then end the argument. You’ve said what you needed to say, they have, and that’s it. There’s nothing more that needs to be said. Don’t prolong the argument by reiterating what one of you have already said. You’ve said her boyfriend needs to do his own dishes, and she has said that he forgets. Unless you’re both calm enough to figure out how to remind the lazy idiot, that is the end of the argument. If you keep going, she’s going to admit that her boyfriend doesn’t like you and you’re going to admit that he’s a jerk. Then, it’s gone beyond arguing and into cruelty and that isn’t beneficial.

Manage Fall Out

If you find the other person does manage to hurt your feelings, don’t cry and scream and shout. You’ll look and feel ridiculous, and the other person will calm down in response to your hysteria. Say, as calmly as possible, that what the other person said was uncalled for and change the subject or even end the argument if you’re upset. This is the hardest part, but it’s also the most mature. You don’t have to be a stone cold bitch like myself and Lady Tina, you just have to learn to control your emotions so that they (and the other person) don’t get the better of you. By doing this, you have the upper hand in the argument.

I’ve seen too many arguments (both in life and in entertainment media…cough Amanda Bynes cough) where one person gets too emotional and ends up making a complete fool of themselves. I’ve been told I’m a kick ass arguer, which is usually followed by a muttered: “which I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of.” These are the things I do (and not do) when arguing with someone, and they’ve served me well. Hopefully, these tips will help you too.

Arguments happen all of the time. They are unavoidable no matter how sweet and Oprah-like you are. Someone is always going to disagree with you about something. It’s best to know how to handle arguments when they come up instead of floundering, getting upset, and being intimidated. You control your life, not a bunch of stupid arguments.

What was one time that you can say you’re really proud of how you handled an argument?

The post The Fine Art of Arguing appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(568) "

“I’m not going to get emotional because I’m a stone cold bitch” – Tina Fey Tina Fey is made of brilliance, amazingness, and hilarity, and anyone with access to basic cable knows that. Upon accepting her Mark Twain award, she said these words to massive applause and laughter. I watched her accept this award from […]

The post The Fine Art of Arguing appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(6492) "

“I’m not going to get emotional because I’m a stone cold bitch” – Tina Fey

Tina Fey is made of brilliance, amazingness, and hilarity, and anyone with access to basic cable knows that. Upon accepting her Mark Twain award, she said these words to massive applause and laughter. I watched her accept this award from my college dorm room and I stood up and gave her a long distance standing ovation accompanied by a “PREACH IT, SISTER!”

I won’t say that Tina Fey taught me how to argue with grace and stone cold badassedness because I was working on that skill long before she accepted her Mark Twain award; however, that phrase has stayed with me and is the one thing I tell people when they demand to know why I never get angry during arguments.

I don’t love arguing with people, but by now I’m quite good at it.

Screw Passive Aggressive

I went to a ridiculously private college and was introduced to some very spoiled boys and girls who considering whispering behind your back an effective argument/release of stress. Not having grown up that way, I politely disagreed with this passive aggressiveness. When I have issues with people, I like to talk about it with them, not everyone but them. Genuinely, I would much rather talk (not to be confused with shriek) about it. Apparently, this was an unexpected maneuver (Sun Tzu is rolling over in his grave for leaving this chapter out of his otherwise awesome manual – I mean, book). Yet, it has served me well.

Being passive aggressive is a cop out. Either say it, or don’t. Own your anger or shut up. Confront the person or zip it. It’s that easy.

Sometimes No One Person is Wrong

Just because you argue with people doesn’t mean you’re wrong. It also doesn’t mean they’re wrong. It just means you disagree, and you have to work through it nicely. There are two sides to every story and sometimes the fault lies with both of you. Don’t be too shut off that you can’t hear their side-you want yours heard, don’t you? I don’t give advice unless it’s foolproof, and this really is. So here it is…

Never Lose Your Shiz

Never lose your shiz in an argument, ever. You’re probably losing your shiz right now as I tell you not to, but lend me your eyes for a second. No matter what the other person says, you have to remember that they’re saying it because they’re

  1. pissed off
  2. upset
  3. sad
  4. scared or
  5. all of the above

It is guaranteed that the other person is going to say something they will regret, and you don’t want to join them by adding your own insults. Stand up for yourself, of course, but don’t let things get ugly because you’ll feel worse.

At the end of the day, I end up fighting with people I don’t care much about. I discuss and debate with people I love, which is an entirely different breed of dispute. If the person is wildly shooting verbal barbs at me, they don’t know me very well. I can’t allow someone I don’t care about, and who doesn’t care about me, to hurt my feelings. Don’t let someone hurt you when they don’t matter. Don’t give them that power.

Say your piece, assert yourself, and then end the argument. You’ve said what you needed to say, they have, and that’s it. There’s nothing more that needs to be said. Don’t prolong the argument by reiterating what one of you have already said. You’ve said her boyfriend needs to do his own dishes, and she has said that he forgets. Unless you’re both calm enough to figure out how to remind the lazy idiot, that is the end of the argument. If you keep going, she’s going to admit that her boyfriend doesn’t like you and you’re going to admit that he’s a jerk. Then, it’s gone beyond arguing and into cruelty and that isn’t beneficial.

Manage Fall Out

If you find the other person does manage to hurt your feelings, don’t cry and scream and shout. You’ll look and feel ridiculous, and the other person will calm down in response to your hysteria. Say, as calmly as possible, that what the other person said was uncalled for and change the subject or even end the argument if you’re upset. This is the hardest part, but it’s also the most mature. You don’t have to be a stone cold bitch like myself and Lady Tina, you just have to learn to control your emotions so that they (and the other person) don’t get the better of you. By doing this, you have the upper hand in the argument.

I’ve seen too many arguments (both in life and in entertainment media…cough Amanda Bynes cough) where one person gets too emotional and ends up making a complete fool of themselves. I’ve been told I’m a kick ass arguer, which is usually followed by a muttered: “which I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of.” These are the things I do (and not do) when arguing with someone, and they’ve served me well. Hopefully, these tips will help you too.

Arguments happen all of the time. They are unavoidable no matter how sweet and Oprah-like you are. Someone is always going to disagree with you about something. It’s best to know how to handle arguments when they come up instead of floundering, getting upset, and being intimidated. You control your life, not a bunch of stupid arguments.

What was one time that you can say you’re really proud of how you handled an argument?

The post The Fine Art of Arguing appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1581358820) } [8]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(38) "Online Dating: Are You Doing It Wrong?" ["link"]=> string(75) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/02/10/online-dating-are-you-doing-it-wrong/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 10 Feb 2020 18:11:59 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(9) "Alex Wise" } ["category"]=> string(68) "Dating Advicedatingdating tipsLOVE AND SEXonline datingrelationships" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4221" ["description"]=> string(571) "

Thousands of dating prospects are waiting online for you. In our age of technology the odds of finding love online has never been greater and true love can be found online! This year alone the New York Times says 1 in 10 Americans are registered with an online dating service. But if you have been […]

The post Online Dating: Are You Doing It Wrong? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(7561) "

Thousands of dating prospects are waiting online for you. In our age of technology the odds of finding love online has never been greater and true love can be found online! This year alone the New York Times says 1 in 10 Americans are registered with an online dating service. But if you have been using online dating and never gone on a successful date you could be making these common online dating mistakes that you’re not aware of. For those of us who are still looking for love are we approaching online dating all wrong?

The Mistakes You Are Making Online

You Post Pictures from Your iPhone or Webcam

When scrolling through men’s profiles, their headline picture is the first thing you notice. You make a judgement on their face, their smile and their body all in mere fraction of a second. It’s hard to change your level of attraction to this person once you’ve judged them.

This also applies to your photos with men. If you intend to find love you need to take your dating profile pictures seriously. They represent your first impression to men who are browsing online. If men have to squint to decipher how you look or you post a small blurred image you will be passed over. Men will just assume you aren’t good looking and won’t contact you.

It’s time to discard those phone and webcam pictures. Instead get a friend or hire a photographer to take pictures of you. They will be able to capture the most flattering angles of you which will increase your attractiveness to men leading to more messages.

Post high quality recent photos of yourself. The ideal photos to post include a headshot, a full body, and one where you are dressed up. This gives men a picture of who you are and the dynamics of your personality.

You Expected Him to Tell the Truth

You met in person and his descriptions were misleading. You were duped! He said he was 5’10” but in reality he was at 5’6”. His pictures weren’t recent. He looked fit and athletic in his pictures but sitting across from you he’s on the heavier side.

All of a sudden the excitement you anticipated meeting him just wanes. You were deceived and now you’re disappointed. Online dating sucks! What else did he lie about?

Before you judge do a check-in! Haven’t you fibbed on your dating profile before? Didn’t you post your most attractive pictures that were a few years old? And even lowered your age by a few years to initially attract men?

When it comes to online dating we all want to be given a chance. We want the opportunity to meet in person and not be judged only by our online profile. We justify to ourselves why we fib on our profiles. Wouldn’t it make sense that he does the same? He lies online because he sees himself as an insecure person but not untrustworthy.

Lying happens on everyone’s profile. It’s not right but it is what happens on online dating. Just don’t be surprised or upset when it happens.

Your Profile Looks Like Everyone Else’s

A generic profile description can describe anyone. What can someone write to you about if there is nothing that makes you stand out from the others? It makes it difficult for someone to write a personalized message to you because you didn’t write anything unique about yourself.

Generic profiles generate generic uninteresting messages from men.

When you post your profile be specific and descriptive. People want to contact profiles that show this is a real person and that means including details of who you are and your interests. You want to give men an interesting story of yourself, about who you are and what you are like.

Throw away the grocery list of statements. Be passionate about your interests, say why they are exciting to you don’t just list them. Giving men a peek into your authentic self through details will elicit more interesting messages and spark excitement from you.

You Meet for a Coffee Date to Save Time

There are so many men to choose from when you’re online dating! Your mailbox is full of messages from men who are eager to meet you.

To save time and energy you go on coffee dates or meet them for happy hour to screen through them quicker. You test the waters this way because you’ll probably know whether you want to see him again within the first 5 minutes of meeting him. Why spend more time?

This is equivalent to speed dating because you are concerned with the number of men you meet not with the QUALITY of men you meet. When you play the numbers game in dating you are not properly screening men. You bypass the getting to know you step before you meet in person. You eagerly meet in person before figuring out if he is worthy of your time. This leads to crappy first dates.

The way to enjoy online dating is being selective with who you go out with. Get to know them over the course of thoughtful messages and phone conversations. You are picking out the quality men to go out with and not every and any guy who asks you out. This screening process takes time and thought. But you benefit because you get to go out with one great guy on a Friday night versus a handful of quick crappy coffee dates during the week. Dating becomes more enjoyable and you stick with online dating longer because love doesn’t happen overnight.

You Expect Love in 30 Days or Less

Remember that you joined online dating because you are not meeting enough men in real life. If finding love was quick and easy then everyone would be in love. Online dating sites and matchmakers would be out of business because love was easy. But in reality prince charming is not going to magically appear at your doorstep even when you’re ready for love. Nor are you going to meet him before your monthly gym membership renews.

Finding the right person is frustrating and can feel hopeless at times. It takes work but remember why you want find love. When you want to find love that lasts a lifetime giving up is not an option. You don’t want to be online dating forever but it’s unrealistic to expect that you’ll meet the one in less than 30 days. Dating is a long-term game until you find the one you want to be with forever.

Applying just one of these tips will make you more successful at online dating. Here’s to a happier dating life!

The post Online Dating: Are You Doing It Wrong? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(571) "

Thousands of dating prospects are waiting online for you. In our age of technology the odds of finding love online has never been greater and true love can be found online! This year alone the New York Times says 1 in 10 Americans are registered with an online dating service. But if you have been […]

The post Online Dating: Are You Doing It Wrong? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(7561) "

Thousands of dating prospects are waiting online for you. In our age of technology the odds of finding love online has never been greater and true love can be found online! This year alone the New York Times says 1 in 10 Americans are registered with an online dating service. But if you have been using online dating and never gone on a successful date you could be making these common online dating mistakes that you’re not aware of. For those of us who are still looking for love are we approaching online dating all wrong?

The Mistakes You Are Making Online

You Post Pictures from Your iPhone or Webcam

When scrolling through men’s profiles, their headline picture is the first thing you notice. You make a judgement on their face, their smile and their body all in mere fraction of a second. It’s hard to change your level of attraction to this person once you’ve judged them.

This also applies to your photos with men. If you intend to find love you need to take your dating profile pictures seriously. They represent your first impression to men who are browsing online. If men have to squint to decipher how you look or you post a small blurred image you will be passed over. Men will just assume you aren’t good looking and won’t contact you.

It’s time to discard those phone and webcam pictures. Instead get a friend or hire a photographer to take pictures of you. They will be able to capture the most flattering angles of you which will increase your attractiveness to men leading to more messages.

Post high quality recent photos of yourself. The ideal photos to post include a headshot, a full body, and one where you are dressed up. This gives men a picture of who you are and the dynamics of your personality.

You Expected Him to Tell the Truth

You met in person and his descriptions were misleading. You were duped! He said he was 5’10” but in reality he was at 5’6”. His pictures weren’t recent. He looked fit and athletic in his pictures but sitting across from you he’s on the heavier side.

All of a sudden the excitement you anticipated meeting him just wanes. You were deceived and now you’re disappointed. Online dating sucks! What else did he lie about?

Before you judge do a check-in! Haven’t you fibbed on your dating profile before? Didn’t you post your most attractive pictures that were a few years old? And even lowered your age by a few years to initially attract men?

When it comes to online dating we all want to be given a chance. We want the opportunity to meet in person and not be judged only by our online profile. We justify to ourselves why we fib on our profiles. Wouldn’t it make sense that he does the same? He lies online because he sees himself as an insecure person but not untrustworthy.

Lying happens on everyone’s profile. It’s not right but it is what happens on online dating. Just don’t be surprised or upset when it happens.

Your Profile Looks Like Everyone Else’s

A generic profile description can describe anyone. What can someone write to you about if there is nothing that makes you stand out from the others? It makes it difficult for someone to write a personalized message to you because you didn’t write anything unique about yourself.

Generic profiles generate generic uninteresting messages from men.

When you post your profile be specific and descriptive. People want to contact profiles that show this is a real person and that means including details of who you are and your interests. You want to give men an interesting story of yourself, about who you are and what you are like.

Throw away the grocery list of statements. Be passionate about your interests, say why they are exciting to you don’t just list them. Giving men a peek into your authentic self through details will elicit more interesting messages and spark excitement from you.

You Meet for a Coffee Date to Save Time

There are so many men to choose from when you’re online dating! Your mailbox is full of messages from men who are eager to meet you.

To save time and energy you go on coffee dates or meet them for happy hour to screen through them quicker. You test the waters this way because you’ll probably know whether you want to see him again within the first 5 minutes of meeting him. Why spend more time?

This is equivalent to speed dating because you are concerned with the number of men you meet not with the QUALITY of men you meet. When you play the numbers game in dating you are not properly screening men. You bypass the getting to know you step before you meet in person. You eagerly meet in person before figuring out if he is worthy of your time. This leads to crappy first dates.

The way to enjoy online dating is being selective with who you go out with. Get to know them over the course of thoughtful messages and phone conversations. You are picking out the quality men to go out with and not every and any guy who asks you out. This screening process takes time and thought. But you benefit because you get to go out with one great guy on a Friday night versus a handful of quick crappy coffee dates during the week. Dating becomes more enjoyable and you stick with online dating longer because love doesn’t happen overnight.

You Expect Love in 30 Days or Less

Remember that you joined online dating because you are not meeting enough men in real life. If finding love was quick and easy then everyone would be in love. Online dating sites and matchmakers would be out of business because love was easy. But in reality prince charming is not going to magically appear at your doorstep even when you’re ready for love. Nor are you going to meet him before your monthly gym membership renews.

Finding the right person is frustrating and can feel hopeless at times. It takes work but remember why you want find love. When you want to find love that lasts a lifetime giving up is not an option. You don’t want to be online dating forever but it’s unrealistic to expect that you’ll meet the one in less than 30 days. Dating is a long-term game until you find the one you want to be with forever.

Applying just one of these tips will make you more successful at online dating. Here’s to a happier dating life!

The post Online Dating: Are You Doing It Wrong? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["date_timestamp"]=> int(1581358319) } [9]=> array(11) { ["title"]=> string(24) "Busting Single Mom Myths" ["link"]=> string(63) "https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/02/10/busting-single-mom-myths/" ["pubdate"]=> string(31) "Mon, 10 Feb 2020 17:52:23 +0000" ["dc"]=> array(1) { ["creator"]=> string(13) "J. T. Ellison" } ["category"]=> string(53) "Parentingparentingsingle momsingle parentstrong women" ["guid"]=> string(34) "https://blog.loveawake.com/?p=4217" ["description"]=> string(574) "

Lately, every magazine I’ve read is chock-full of articles and stories on why being single rocks and how to embrace your single self. It’s socially acceptable for a woman to live her own life and NOT be focused on finding a relationship or a husband. Nobody bats an eyelash if I, a seemingly normal girl creeping towards […]

The post Busting Single Mom Myths appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["content"]=> array(1) { ["encoded"]=> string(7108) "

Lately, every magazine I’ve read is chock-full of articles and stories on why being single rocks and how to embrace your single self. It’s socially acceptable for a woman to live her own life and NOT be focused on finding a relationship or a husband. Nobody bats an eyelash if I, a seemingly normal girl creeping towards my late twenties, say I’m single. It’s the word that comes after “single” that gets all the tongues wagging: “mother.” That’s right. My name is Cassi, and I am a single mother. But you know what? I am one Badass Momma, and I am here to bust through some of the single mom myths that are associated with being an independent chick raising a kid.

Single Mom Myth #1: I’m a slut who got in “trouble”.

When a gal says she’s a single mom, nobody’s first thought is, “oh, that’s awesome…I bet she’s a badass momma.” No, the first thing that usually comes to mind is that she must be easy or loose, because only sluts get pregnant out of wedlock. Either that, or she must be trying to trap a man because she’s crazy and can’t keep one around any other way. Being of sound mind myself and obviously not married, I can tell you firsthand that this is total bullshit. Accidents can happen to anyone; condoms break, birth control fails, or sometimes you just aren’t as careful as you should be. None of those things mean a woman is a slut or that she was trying to tie some poor schmuck down with parenthood.

And what about all those single moms who chose to have their little ones on purpose, without a relationship or a ring, for their own personal reasons? Having a baby is ridiculously hard, pregnancy is grueling, labor is excruciating, and raising a child is frustrating, expensive, and a lifelong commitment never to be taken lightly. Yeah, those ladies deserve some serious applause for choosing to embark on that journey solo!

Single Mom Myth #2: We are hungry for child support checks.

Single moms are always chasing that support check. I hear this one all the time. In fact, that’s always the first question I’m asked when someone finds out I’m a single mother: “Have you gone after child support yet?” I’m never asked if my child’s father is paying child support or supporting the baby or helping with the baby- it’s always whether or not I’m “going after him” for support. As if a single mom can’t provide for her own family! I’m not some money-hungry fiend chasing a payday. Every last one of the single moms I know is gainfully employed and doing their part (and more) to give their kids the best lives possible, and many of them are continuing their educations in order to advance in their career fields. Badass mommas don’t always have a lot of free time or get a lot of sleep but they definitely aren’t afraid of hard work, and they don’t see their children’s fathers as cash cows.

Single Mom Myth #3: We can’t stand our child’s father anymore.

There are some of us that call our kids’ dads friends (or, at the very least, we don’t imagine strangling them with our bare hands every time we have to talk to them). That’s right, no Baby Daddy drama here! Single mothers, while being self-sufficient enough to run a household and raise children on their own, know that having a father in their lives can be a big plus for kids. We have enough class to put aside our differences and have a respectful co-parenting relationship with the big lugs that helped us make these totally amazing, tiny people. Romance doesn’t always last but having a kid together is forever, so why not make it as painless an experience as possible? Plus it can be pretty awesome to know that we can have some time to yourself and your baby will be with someone who loves and cherishes him or her as much as we do!

Single Mom Myth #4: If we give priority to our needs we’re selfish bitches.

It can be hard for a single mom to actually get time to herself. Even if her child’s father has shared custody or there’s a doting grandma who’s more than willing to take the grandbabies for a few hours, the on-her-own mom still gets crap for having interests outside raising her family. The chick that takes Crossfit classes a couple of times a week is vain and self-involved; the one that goes dancing with her friends is a party girl who’s shirking her responsibilities to get drunk. I call bullshit!

Any mother knows that to be able to give her best to her babies, she has to take care of herself both physically and mentally. That means a bubble bath behind a locked door every now and again. We don’t stop living when we have kids, whether we are single or attached. I know this one badass single mom who’s finally going after her dream of becoming a writer! We still have the same hopes, goals, and interests we had before we had our bambinos. Our priorities may be different and our kids are always number one on our lists, but we still like to have fun and be passionate about the things we love.

The conclusion?

Becoming a mother on your own isn’t the life-ending tragedy that people seem to want to make it out to be. Even though our culture in this country is supposed to be a more progressive and open-minded one, there is still a whole lot of Judge-y McJudge-ing that happens when somebody dares to do something outside the traditional scope of things. It wasn’t really that long ago that girls who ended up “in a fix” were sent away to have their babies in secret so there wouldn’t be a permanent black mark on their reputations.

There is nothing shameful about creating a life no matter the circumstances under which it was done. Remember, just because a woman doesn’t have a partner doesn’t mean she doesn’t have an endless supply of love, affection and wisdom to give to her children. I want all of the responsible, hard-working single mothers out there to know that they are fabulous, and to own their single-parent status in the face of whatever life has to throw at them. It’s a tough job and you gals are rocking it! You are badass mommas, and you have every reason to be proud of that.

The post Busting Single Mom Myths appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" } ["summary"]=> string(574) "

Lately, every magazine I’ve read is chock-full of articles and stories on why being single rocks and how to embrace your single self. It’s socially acceptable for a woman to live her own life and NOT be focused on finding a relationship or a husband. Nobody bats an eyelash if I, a seemingly normal girl creeping towards […]

The post Busting Single Mom Myths appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

" ["atom_content"]=> string(7108) "

Lately, every magazine I’ve read is chock-full of articles and stories on why being single rocks and how to embrace your single self. It’s socially acceptable for a woman to live her own life and NOT be focused on finding a relationship or a husband. Nobody bats an eyelash if I, a seemingly normal girl creeping towards my late twenties, say I’m single. It’s the word that comes after “single” that gets all the tongues wagging: “mother.” That’s right. My name is Cassi, and I am a single mother. But you know what? I am one Badass Momma, and I am here to bust through some of the single mom myths that are associated with being an independent chick raising a kid.

Single Mom Myth #1: I’m a slut who got in “trouble”.

When a gal says she’s a single mom, nobody’s first thought is, “oh, that’s awesome…I bet she’s a badass momma.” No, the first thing that usually comes to mind is that she must be easy or loose, because only sluts get pregnant out of wedlock. Either that, or she must be trying to trap a man because she’s crazy and can’t keep one around any other way. Being of sound mind myself and obviously not married, I can tell you firsthand that this is total bullshit. Accidents can happen to anyone; condoms break, birth control fails, or sometimes you just aren’t as careful as you should be. None of those things mean a woman is a slut or that she was trying to tie some poor schmuck down with parenthood.

And what about all those single moms who chose to have their little ones on purpose, without a relationship or a ring, for their own personal reasons? Having a baby is ridiculously hard, pregnancy is grueling, labor is excruciating, and raising a child is frustrating, expensive, and a lifelong commitment never to be taken lightly. Yeah, those ladies deserve some serious applause for choosing to embark on that journey solo!

Single Mom Myth #2: We are hungry for child support checks.

Single moms are always chasing that support check. I hear this one all the time. In fact, that’s always the first question I’m asked when someone finds out I’m a single mother: “Have you gone after child support yet?” I’m never asked if my child’s father is paying child support or supporting the baby or helping with the baby- it’s always whether or not I’m “going after him” for support. As if a single mom can’t provide for her own family! I’m not some money-hungry fiend chasing a payday. Every last one of the single moms I know is gainfully employed and doing their part (and more) to give their kids the best lives possible, and many of them are continuing their educations in order to advance in their career fields. Badass mommas don’t always have a lot of free time or get a lot of sleep but they definitely aren’t afraid of hard work, and they don’t see their children’s fathers as cash cows.

Single Mom Myth #3: We can’t stand our child’s father anymore.

There are some of us that call our kids’ dads friends (or, at the very least, we don’t imagine strangling them with our bare hands every time we have to talk to them). That’s right, no Baby Daddy drama here! Single mothers, while being self-sufficient enough to run a household and raise children on their own, know that having a father in their lives can be a big plus for kids. We have enough class to put aside our differences and have a respectful co-parenting relationship with the big lugs that helped us make these totally amazing, tiny people. Romance doesn’t always last but having a kid together is forever, so why not make it as painless an experience as possible? Plus it can be pretty awesome to know that we can have some time to yourself and your baby will be with someone who loves and cherishes him or her as much as we do!

Single Mom Myth #4: If we give priority to our needs we’re selfish bitches.

It can be hard for a single mom to actually get time to herself. Even if her child’s father has shared custody or there’s a doting grandma who’s more than willing to take the grandbabies for a few hours, the on-her-own mom still gets crap for having interests outside raising her family. The chick that takes Crossfit classes a couple of times a week is vain and self-involved; the one that goes dancing with her friends is a party girl who’s shirking her responsibilities to get drunk. I call bullshit!

Any mother knows that to be able to give her best to her babies, she has to take care of herself both physically and mentally. That means a bubble bath behind a locked door every now and again. We don’t stop living when we have kids, whether we are single or attached. I know this one badass single mom who’s finally going after her dream of becoming a writer! We still have the same hopes, goals, and interests we had before we had our bambinos. Our priorities may be different and our kids are always number one on our lists, but we still like to have fun and be passionate about the things we love.

The conclusion?

Becoming a mother on your own isn’t the life-ending tragedy that people seem to want to make it out to be. Even though our culture in this country is supposed to be a more progressive and open-minded one, there is still a whole lot of Judge-y McJudge-ing that happens when somebody dares to do something outside the traditional scope of things. It wasn’t really that long ago that girls who ended up “in a fix” were sent away to have their babies in secret so there wouldn’t be a permanent black mark on their reputations.

There is nothing shameful about creating a life no matter the circumstances under which it was done. Remember, just because a woman doesn’t have a partner doesn’t mean she doesn’t have an endless supply of love, affection and wisdom to give to her children. I want all of the responsible, hard-working single mothers out there to know that they are fabulous, and to own their single-parent status in the face of whatever life has to throw at them. It’s a tough job and you gals are rocking it! You are badass mommas, and you have every reason to be proud of that.

The post Busting Single Mom Myths appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

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